Perspective and Redirection!

The past two weeks have been filled with heartache and joy!  Two weeks ago, I spent most of my time each day helping my family deal with the loss of my wife's grandmother.  We took a few trips up and down the highway to attend services and spend much needed time with family.  Last week, I went on an annual beach trip with my wife's family.  It was a great time to get away and spend some focused quality time with my family.  Getting to be with my wife, kids and my in-laws after the previous week's emotional roller coaster was such a blessing.  Relaxing at the beach, sharing stories, laughter and sweet fellowship really healed many things in my heart.





I also had the opportunity to spend some time on our way home with my Mom, Step dad, Twin Brother and various other members of my family.  I especially enjoyed the time I got to spend fishing on my Mom's dock with my twin brother.  It is in those special alone times that I am reminded how much I love and miss him.  Our connection is so very special and it hurts more than I realize not seeing him more often.  While we fished, something that our MeMaw taught us to do many years ago, we had some time to talk with each other about what is important in life.  It was during this talk that I came to some conclusions and decisions about my life. 

1. My life is great....I have an amazing family, wonderful friends and abundance from God that is truly remarkable.
2. I love myself...yes, there are many things about myself that I hope to improve and make even better, but genuinely, I love who I am.  I spend entirely too much time focusing on the negative aspects of myself and not enough time appreciating the person I am.
3. I care way too much about money...I waste so much time worried about finances and how good of a job I am doing as a provider for my family that I make myself either worried and/or frustrated to a point where I am not happy about anything. 
4. I am a hard worker....I dedicate myself to the many jobs I do and I try to be the best I possibly can be.
5. I focus entirely too much on weight loss and not enough time on being healthy...my brother helped me regain perspective about what I really want to accomplish in my physical life, I want to be healthy.  I always talk about how I want to avoid the "fad diets" and the "quick fixes", yet I basically create my own diets and quick fixes by pushing to have immediate and mind-blowing results each time I plan a new weight loss goal.  I need to focus on slow and steady and look for real results that last.

It is with these new realizations that I have decided to redirect my focus.  I will continue to work on my summer challenge and use my BodyMedia armband, but I am going to approach it more scientifically.  I want to really look at the information that I receive from my armband and track the times that I am truly working achieve my goals and not just talking a good talk.  Hopefully, by doing some real analysis, I can make the needed to changes to reach my goals....whenever that may be. 

I do have one small victory to report....I made it through the past two weeks of crazy schedules and beach vacation and did not gain any weight.  The simple fact that I was able to be out of my comfort zone and controlled environment and not go crazy with putting in the pounds was pleasing to see today.  One thing I need to take advantage of and work on this week is getting to the gym.

So, next Monday I will post my BodyMedia stats for the week and will include something to work on and a victory.

Two steps forward....Three steps back!

Today I feel like the old me...someone who is easily frustrated, irritated and unwilling to compromise.  I feel that I have made progress in the past year, however, I do notice that old personalty traits do pop up from time to time and drive me a little bonkers!  I know I am suppose to roll with the moments, recognize them, analyze them and deal with them...today has not been one of those days.  Maybe it has to do with the fatigue of the week...both physically and emotionally...or maybe I am not as strong and collected as I have convinced myself that I am.  Maybe I am weak....in body and mind!  I am not losing weight like I should and I have been more resentful of others lately.  Instead of enjoying the successes that I have...limited as they seem right now, I am being driven by the utter failure that my weight loss and personality changes are making me feel right now.  Yes, I realize I am having a huge pity party right now, but it is what it is!  Hopefully, a week away from things and spending some much needed time with my family will help me reposition my perspective.  The intelligent and well-adjusted part of me knows that this is just an emotional reaction to a stressful situation and that everything will level out and I will learn from today, but the less evolved portion of my physche just doesn't seem to care!  Guess I should try and take another two steps forward......I hate this feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In Remembrance of MeMa!

As you probably have noticed...I did not post an update this week.  The main reason for this comes from the fact that I have spent much of the past week helping my wife and our family deal with the loss of her grandmother.  At 93 years old, Mema was an amazing lady.  I loved her very much and I will miss her dearly.  When I met her 15 years ago, I had just lost all four of my grandparents. They each passed away within 9 months of each other.  Mema filled a much needed hole in my life and I loved the opportunities I would get at Thanksgiving and Christmas to sit and talk with her about history, literature and her beloved Savannah, Ga.  These are moments that I will never forget.

Mema and Gran: Happily Married for 70 Years!

Mema discussing history and other family secrets with me at Thanksgiving!

Dancing with Mema at my wedding!

So, with all the running around between here and Virginia, I did not get very productive or complete readings from my BodyMedia system.  I also missed a complete evening of sleep readings because my middle child became sick and I needed to take care of her.  I removed the armband to get her cleaned up in the shower and forgot to put it back on for the evening.  With so much missing data, I felt that I would not have a complete list of viable data to make a post that would truly matter.

I plan on posting again once we return from our beach trip next week.

On a separate note....

To honor the memory of my wife's grandmother, I wrote a poem.  I was not able to share it at her memorial service, so I thought I would share it on the blog.  I love and miss MeMa very much.  She was an incredible lady and someone who touched my life abundantly! 

ELEGANCE

Sun rises over a Savannah skyline,

cascading its golden fingertips across Georgia peaches

 and all the beauty of God's wondrous creation.

The soft coo of a child's laugh,

the warm comfort of a Mother's embrace.

The spirit of a Warrior, with the grace of a Lady.

A distinct Southern drawl

from the mouth of a Southern Belle

filled with wisdom, history and love.

The embrace of a friendship

turned to love, turned to devotion,

turned to eternity!

Brightness in a smile and the countenance of joy

shining through the darkness

in a world filled with pain.

Elegance personified

in the body of a woman,

walking in the love of God towards others.

Sunset on a Richmond landscape

withdrawing its golden fingertips from the

extraordinary gift of a life not soon forgotten.

Even asleep,

warming the hearts and souls of her beloved,

Even asleep,

radiating light throughout the darkness!