THE HURT LOCKER

In 2009, The Hurt Locker was released in American theaters to rave reviews.  The compelling story of an United States Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) team working to clear Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs) in Iraq was so intriguing and well received that it was awarded the Oscar for Best Picture of the Year.  The movie follows a group of soldiers whose job places them in high-risk and extremely perilous situations.  These men worked in the most stressful conditions imaginable with no concern for themselves, but were dedicated to the safety and well-being of others.  The title of the movie is taken from the large protective outfit worn by the squad member whose job it is to disarm the bombs once they have been located.  It is with utmost respect and thanksgiving that I honor these soldiers in the metaphor I am about to present.....

I have never served in the military.  I have never faced an enemy who is determined to kill me before I kill him.  I have never been called upon to leave my family at a moment's notice to go around the world to protect the freedoms that I so humbly cherish.  I have never faced that kind of enemy....but I have been that enemy.  Of course, I am not an enemy to the freedoms of this country or its people, but in my own life I have caused pain, frustration and placed people I love in situations that are wrought with emotional IEDs!  The number one target of many of these IED attacks has been my loving and devoted wife.  Let me make a quick aside to this point of discussion...it was not until recently that I even realized or recognized that my actions were creating these various situations within my relationship.  I, of course, had been quite ignorant to the fact that my own emotional roller coaster was affecting others.  In recent weeks, I have started to look outside of my own little bubble and actually see the amazing people in my life that have quietly and bravely lived through many tense moments.  In the midst of the various episodes I viewed as being the end all, be all of importance, my wife stood by me with love and support.  Each time I "raged against the machine" and complained about how wounded I was and how no one truly realized what I was going through, she suited up.  The times when my anger took over and I lashed out at the world that most certainly was against me, my wife approached the hidden explosive, wrapped her arms around it and held on in hopes that her love and concern would be enough to diffuse the situation.  Most of the time, her knowledge and skill led her to success and yet, on occasion, even her superior knowledge was not enough to overcome the nature of the BOMB!  It was on these occasions that my wife truly exemplified the essence of Walking in Love towards others.  No matter how many times I had emotional eruptions, no matter how many times I wavered on what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be, no matter how many times I blamed everything under the sun for my displeasure and disillusionment....she was there.  She bore the brunt of the shrapnel and just stayed...arms firmly wrapped around me...repeating to me that I was "God's Best" and that I was "Completely, Complete" and that I should view myself the way God views me.  She withstood all the sadness, all the pain, all the frustration, all the ignorance, all the baggage, everything I threw at her and she did it without complaint!  She stood firmly beside me while I took the time I needed to figure out exactly what was at the root of my unhappiness and when I began to come out of the shadows, she was still there!  We have all heard the old saying that the people we hurt the most are the people we love!  I see that now.  I know that my wife withstood the hardships and never wavered in her love for me. Now, The first thing she will say about reading this post is that the things I have described made up only a small portion of the life we have shared over the past 15 years.  She will point out all of the happy times and the abundance of blessings that we have enjoyed and look at the difficult moments as drops in the bucket of a life filled with joy and excitement and she would be correct.  Our life together has been and continues to be incredibly blessed.  We share a wonderful home with 3 amazingly beautiful and talented children.  We laugh together often and love each other deeply.  Today, I am healthy enough and strong enough to acknowledge my shortcomings and seek forgiveness for those actions that have caused others to feel sorrow, stress and pain.  Today, I am brave enough to talk about the realities of myself that have been hidden in many ways from others.  Today, I am humble enough to accept myself for who I am and strive to continue working on who I can be.  Today I am blessed to be a Son of God and to share in all the abundance that comes with that and today, I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend, my greatest cheerleader and one of the most amazing women I know.  T...I love you a Circle! Thanks for never giving up on me!  I pray that the remainder of our life together is filled with continued abundance and is free of any further IEDs....but, I know if one of those horrible little hidden devices is found in the future, you will climb right back in that HURT LOCKER and face the challenge...because that is who you are and that is why the people you love are so thoroughly blessed to have you on their side and in their lives!

Setting Goals.....

Unfortunately, my hiatus from the blog was a little longer than I expected.  I have realized in the past couple of weeks that I am a very goal driven individual.  When I set a tangible goal, I tend to keep a much stronger focus on that goal and consequently my success rate is much higher.  During my 21 days of focused food logging, I accomplished a great deal.  I lost 22 pounds, fell below 300 for the first time in years and came to some pretty amazing realizations.  Since then, I have found myself in a similar pattern of floundering around, making a bunch of excuses and holding pretty steady on the weight front.  The past cycle of set goal, work to reach goal, reach goal, become satisfied, turn satisfaction into laziness, turn laziness into excuses, use excuses to avoid further goal setting and accomplishments has been in full effect.  For the last 3 weeks, I have been sitting around, enjoying my success and convincing myself that everything has changed....and you know how the saying goes, "the more things change, the more they stay the same!"  Today I am finally making an effort to move beyond the "glory" of my previous triumph and push past this wall of excuses to begin what I am calling ROUND 3!  In ROUND 1, I came to grips with the reality that I needed to seriously do something with my life to try and prolong it as much as I possibly can...Presto, the blog was born.  In ROUND 2, I set a goal to fall below 300 pounds during a strenuous and detailed look at my eating habits...Mission Accomplished.  As I step back into the ring for ROUND 3, I will confront the endless excuses that I have continued to make throughout my life and fight back with a series of small, attainable goals that I hope will keep me going for a lot longer than in the past.  I have broken these goals into 4 categories and will share them with everyone here on this post.  Along with my goals, I have also established some rewards for myself to act as a bridge between milestones that will allow me the opportunity to celebrate my accomplishment, without derailing my determination to forge ahead.  As always, your prayers, support and love will be most helpful in this next ROUND.  I know at times I have been inconsistent, but I am still fighting and this is a fight I intend to win!
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GOALS

Daily: Keep Food Log, Workout (including a 1-2 mile run), Help around the House, Read with the Kids, Play with the Kids, Talk with my Wife, Read Bible, BLOG, Facebook a Friend.

Weekly: Workout 5 out of 7 days, Lose 2 - 4 pounds, Keep Food Log 6 out of 7 days, Blog 3-5 times, Call Family, Call Friends, Write a Letter, Mow Grass and do Yard Work, Contact Former Students.

Monthly: Write for a possible Book, Lose 15 - 20 pounds, Take my Wife on a Date, Take each of My Kids Out Individually at Least Once, Workout 20 out of 30 days, Blog 12 - 20 times, Read 1 - 2 Books, Have Friends over for Dinner.

Yearly: Get a Physical, Run (2) 5K races, Lose 100 - 110 pounds, Read 15 - 25 Books, Complete a Home Improvement Project, Travel with My Family, Visit Family, Complete a Draft of a Book.
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REWARDS

* Download (1) iTunes track per (2) pounds lost 
* Take a fishing day or play a round of golf per (20) pounds lost
* Purchase a Calorie Management System when I reach (250) pounds
* Go to a choice sporting event (i.e. baseball, football, hockey, etc...) per (60) pounds lost 
* Go to the Biggest Loser Ranch for a week after (85) pounds lost
* Take a weekend trip with my Wife to NEW YORK after breaking (200) pounds
* Chaperon a School Trip to Europe once I reach my goal weight of (185) pounds
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COMING SOON:

(A Glance at Future Posts)

The Hurt Locker
21 Days of Revelation: Part 1 (Physical Healing)
21 Days of Revelation: Part 2 (Financial Healing)
21 Days of Revelation: Part 3 (Emotional Healing)
Beyond the 21 Days: Forgiveness and Love