We hear the voice of God in so many ways each and every day! Yet, many times we miss it because it is such a "still small voice" that our daily lives get in the way of truly paying attention to the many ways God avails himself to us. This morning I was focused enough to hear that voice in the words of my 5 year daughter. She had climbed into our bed around 6 this morning and was relaxing as the day was beginning. Around 7, she leaned over and whispered in my ear that it was time to get up, she had a surprise for me. I rolled out of bed and, quite sleepily, followed her downstairs, ever so quietly, so as not to wake up the other members of our family who were still fast asleep. When we reached the living room I asked her what was the big surprise, to which she replied, "Daddy, the doctor says that is is good for you to exercise, so I thought I would help you this morning!" She then proceeded to lead me in an exercise routine that she had learned in her gym class at kindergarten. It wasn't the hardest workout I have ever been through...but it was by far the best! What a blessing it is to have such a wonderful daughter and such a loving God!
Ephesians: 1, 2a, 8b, 10...Be ye therefore imitators of God, as dear children; and walk in love as Christ also has loved us...now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
(This is the verse(s) we have painted on the border of our nursery...it took on a whole new significance for me today!)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
FEAR
Recently, I have been working in therapy on discovering just what it is that seems to keep me from making the progress I desire in my physical struggle to become healthy. In my head, things seem to be going very well. I have my emotions in check for the first time in many years. I no longer feel the need to please everyone around me in order to make myself feel important and needed. I have developed some very effective strategies to assist myself in handling situations that once would have driven me to a very unhealthy level of frustration and anxiety. Each of these areas of my life seemed to fall in place very quickly as I focused, confronted and dealt with them directly and effectively. I have become quite adept at pinpointing problem areas in my life and quickly assessing just how to take care of them......SAVE ONE! Even though it seems that I have a knack for verbalizing the issues and problems surrounding my weight loss...I can't seem to take those words and put them into action. FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My therapist and I have discussed the idea that "fear" is playing a very big role in this roadblock....fear of what is still a bit of an enigma! I do admit that some of the fear that exists stems from the feeling that I will work diligently to reach the goals I set for myself and in doing so, will push myself to an emotional limit that is both obsessive and exhausting! Each of the times in my life that I have seen noticeable results in weight loss has included both of these attributes. Unfortunately, as one can see from the creation of this particular blog, the longevity of these successes has been a bit short in tenure. Past experiences show that once I reach a place of comfort and joy, I fall right back into the destructive habits that have existed for years. Reaching my desired weight and watching it disappear yet again would truly be a proverbial "nail in the coffin" for me this time around. The real questions appears to be..."WHY DO I FEAR THAT THIS SCENARIO WILL AVAIL ITSELF ONCE AGAIN?"...that is the part that perplexes me. I know I have the ability, the desire and the will to be successful, yet I still meander in a pattern of sterility and stagnation. I have heard the expression...JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT...and wish it were that simple. As a believer in the existence in the ONE TRUE GOD, I acknowledge that, as 2 Timothy 1:7 proclaims, "For GOD hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Maybe therein lies the real problem...I FEAR! In all my life I look to my God and Father to be my sufficiency in all things and yet in the most challenging aspect of my life...I have yet to allow my God the opportunity to be a part of the solution. I constantly seek to create the situation to fit what "I" feel is the right path and do not take a moment to seek assistance from the "ONE" in my life that truly has the power to destroy this fear and really help me. I allow this issue to be senses driven and not spiritually driven.
I Peter 5:6-7 tells us to "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in do time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." It appears that the time for me to humble myself and to actually act upon my belief is long overdo! It is time that I cast this care and let go this fear so that I may enjoy the "more than abundant" (John 10:10) life that is available for me to enjoy! It is time that I truly "listen and obey!"
My therapist and I have discussed the idea that "fear" is playing a very big role in this roadblock....fear of what is still a bit of an enigma! I do admit that some of the fear that exists stems from the feeling that I will work diligently to reach the goals I set for myself and in doing so, will push myself to an emotional limit that is both obsessive and exhausting! Each of the times in my life that I have seen noticeable results in weight loss has included both of these attributes. Unfortunately, as one can see from the creation of this particular blog, the longevity of these successes has been a bit short in tenure. Past experiences show that once I reach a place of comfort and joy, I fall right back into the destructive habits that have existed for years. Reaching my desired weight and watching it disappear yet again would truly be a proverbial "nail in the coffin" for me this time around. The real questions appears to be..."WHY DO I FEAR THAT THIS SCENARIO WILL AVAIL ITSELF ONCE AGAIN?"...that is the part that perplexes me. I know I have the ability, the desire and the will to be successful, yet I still meander in a pattern of sterility and stagnation. I have heard the expression...JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT...and wish it were that simple. As a believer in the existence in the ONE TRUE GOD, I acknowledge that, as 2 Timothy 1:7 proclaims, "For GOD hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Maybe therein lies the real problem...I FEAR! In all my life I look to my God and Father to be my sufficiency in all things and yet in the most challenging aspect of my life...I have yet to allow my God the opportunity to be a part of the solution. I constantly seek to create the situation to fit what "I" feel is the right path and do not take a moment to seek assistance from the "ONE" in my life that truly has the power to destroy this fear and really help me. I allow this issue to be senses driven and not spiritually driven.
I Peter 5:6-7 tells us to "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in do time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." It appears that the time for me to humble myself and to actually act upon my belief is long overdo! It is time that I cast this care and let go this fear so that I may enjoy the "more than abundant" (John 10:10) life that is available for me to enjoy! It is time that I truly "listen and obey!"
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Love/Hate Relationship with.....THE GOLDEN ARCHES!
Recently, I have found myself drawn back to the allure of a previous "mistress." This enchantress seems to cast a blinding spell over me from time to time, causing me to sneak around, act secretive and create alibis so as not to blow my cover and expose my "affair." This temptress knows just what to do and say to break down all my defenses and lure me back into a destructive relationship like "a moth to flame." This is a relationship that has gone on for over 30 years and is one I truly "hate" to "love". I speak of course of that eating establishment made famous by a clown and a pair of golden arches. Seriously, I am an intelligent guy, I went to college, I watched "Supersize Me," I know what eating the food from this place can and will do to me and I know that as someone who is trying to make a significant change in my life, that a complete and total break in this relationship is crucial.....I JUST CAN'T HELP IT! (Whiny, satirical voice implied) It is hard not to want those juicy, cheese-covered, bacon topped burgers and those crispy, salty fries! It is difficult to bypass that sweet, caffeine-filled, effervescent fizzle of an ice cold Dr. Pepper. I try to be "good" and stay away, but like a fly who just saw three of his buddies electrocuted by the enticing blue glow of the bug zapper, I push forward and give in to those deep urges...feeling ever so guilty along the way. Most of the time I look around, hoping that I won't see someone I know, anticipating that at any moment my cover will be blown and a camera crew for the show "Cheaters" will pop out as I am licking a stray glob of ketchup from my lip and ask me "What are you doing?" and "Does your wife know about this relationship?"
Unfortunately, sometimes she doesn't know....no one does! I have honed my craft as a "closet eater." I have perfected my abilities to consume an entire meal and avoid detection. I keep paper towels, plastic bags, body spray, mouthwash and other masking agents in my truck to aid in the keeping of my secret. I have literally walked in the house without a shirt on to hide the drop of mustard I spilled in a moment of carelessness. I have actually eaten two dinners on many occasions to keep up the appearance that I was truly hungry. I have lied to and knowingly deceived people I love. I have avoided questions and curbed the truth enough to dodge awkward moments and have even denied knowledge of happenings to keep my secret safe. I don't want to do that any longer. As an over eater, my choices are often driven by my physical desires for the food I know is bad for me and also by the social/personal desires to appear strong and confident, even when I am at my weakest. I want to be strong, because I am strong, and not just appear that way. By confessing some of these behaviors, my hope is that I will not have to keep them hidden within me, that the truth will set me free and act as a reminder that I can be strong and brave and make good choices. I can drive by these restaurants that have controlled my life for so long and just smile and continue on my path to health and happiness. I also hope that if there is someone else out there who has done or continues to do these things, that my honesty and vulnerability will act as encouragement to break the cycle of lies and remove the chains that bind them to a life of secrets and self-destruction. I hope that this will be the first of many "true confessions" about the life I have chosen to live and the life I now choose to be rid of, once and for all.
Unfortunately, sometimes she doesn't know....no one does! I have honed my craft as a "closet eater." I have perfected my abilities to consume an entire meal and avoid detection. I keep paper towels, plastic bags, body spray, mouthwash and other masking agents in my truck to aid in the keeping of my secret. I have literally walked in the house without a shirt on to hide the drop of mustard I spilled in a moment of carelessness. I have actually eaten two dinners on many occasions to keep up the appearance that I was truly hungry. I have lied to and knowingly deceived people I love. I have avoided questions and curbed the truth enough to dodge awkward moments and have even denied knowledge of happenings to keep my secret safe. I don't want to do that any longer. As an over eater, my choices are often driven by my physical desires for the food I know is bad for me and also by the social/personal desires to appear strong and confident, even when I am at my weakest. I want to be strong, because I am strong, and not just appear that way. By confessing some of these behaviors, my hope is that I will not have to keep them hidden within me, that the truth will set me free and act as a reminder that I can be strong and brave and make good choices. I can drive by these restaurants that have controlled my life for so long and just smile and continue on my path to health and happiness. I also hope that if there is someone else out there who has done or continues to do these things, that my honesty and vulnerability will act as encouragement to break the cycle of lies and remove the chains that bind them to a life of secrets and self-destruction. I hope that this will be the first of many "true confessions" about the life I have chosen to live and the life I now choose to be rid of, once and for all.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
REALITY CHECK!
As you can see, I have not added much to the blog lately. I have convinced myself that this is because life has gotten hectic since the holidays and I haven't had the time. The truth is I have quickly fallen back into similar patterns in my life and have been avoiding the blog so as not to face the reality that my initial fire has fizzled somewhat! Fortunately, I received a very supportive comment from a total stranger...thanks again Vanessa...and that got me to thinking! I realized that this is life...there are going to be continuous ups and downs, fiery moments and moments filled with lulls and poor decisions...the only thing that can change is me. I have to start being even more honest with myself and focus through the rough times as much as the good ones! After making this revelation, I decided to think of other realizations and rationalizations that I frequently convince myself of during times of struggle and lack of focus. I have chosen to list them here as a reminder to myself to not fall victim to my old ways, but to renew my mind daily to the true purpose of this endeavor...a healthier and more driven ME!!!! It is amazing how the voice of a stranger can make such a difference....a lesson from which we all can learn!
JB's TOP TEN REALIZATIONS AND RATIONALIZATIONS
10. Driving by the Gym does not truly constitute WORKING OUT!
9. Just because the bag claims the popcorn has "no fat" when popped, doesn't make it
OK to eat two.
8. Buying Girl Scout cookies is not a truly altruistic decision.
7. Skipping lunch does not make it understandable to have fast food for dinner!
6. Once you add cheese, bacon and mayo...SUBWAY is no longer a healthy alternative.
5. Salad should never be purchased by the pound.
4. Going to the grocery store is a necessity, not a destination!
3. The snack machine is not a pharmacy with prescriptions for low blood sugar.
2. Even healthy food deserves portion control.
1. BOREDOM DOES NOT EQUAL HUNGRY!
JB's TOP TEN REALIZATIONS AND RATIONALIZATIONS
10. Driving by the Gym does not truly constitute WORKING OUT!
9. Just because the bag claims the popcorn has "no fat" when popped, doesn't make it
OK to eat two.
8. Buying Girl Scout cookies is not a truly altruistic decision.
7. Skipping lunch does not make it understandable to have fast food for dinner!
6. Once you add cheese, bacon and mayo...SUBWAY is no longer a healthy alternative.
5. Salad should never be purchased by the pound.
4. Going to the grocery store is a necessity, not a destination!
3. The snack machine is not a pharmacy with prescriptions for low blood sugar.
2. Even healthy food deserves portion control.
1. BOREDOM DOES NOT EQUAL HUNGRY!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Disney and 3 pounds!
SO, as you can see, I have not blogged in a little while! After completing an amazing trip to Disney World with the family, things have been a little hectic around here. Getting back into the swing of things and dealing with some interesting weather patterns have been the focus. Now that things are settling back into a bit of a normal groove.....I BLOG!
First of all, the trip to Disney WAS in fact AMAZING!!!! Getting the opportunity to spend 7 days focused on myself and my family was incredibly therapeutic. I truly feel like I got to know my kids so much better, especially my son! Even though he is only 14 months old, he has such an intoxicating personality. Just watching him as he discovered and experienced new things was moving. I also developed a deeper appreciation for my two beautiful daughters. At 5 and 3 they are growing so fast and developing such wonderful personalities and senses of humor. I stood many days in awe as I watched them interact with others. They are great conversationalists and very funny. I also grew closer, if that is possible, to my unbelievable wife. Tens years ago, we went to Disney for our honeymoon and we both agreed that, not only was this trip a wonderful way to celebrate a decade of marriage, but it was much more fun with three imaginative children.
Now, about the 3 pounds....believe it or not, I was a little surprised myself, I actually lost 3 pounds over the holidays. One doesn't usually figure to lose weight at Christmas , especially when you toss in a trip to the most magical place on earth...but I DID! I credit a great deal of the weight loss to the hundreds of miles of walking we did over our week of vacation....OK, so maybe not hundreds, but pretty close...and to some very smart planning. As we organized the trip, my wife and I took extra time to look over all the various food options for our time at Disney. We checked menu options for both the kids and ourselves and created a list of places that offered more than just burgers and fries. By taking the extra time to plan ahead, we were able to avoid choosing random places and being stuck with food options that were not as appealing to a vegetarian (my wife) and someone trying to get a grip on their dietary focus (myself)! Now, I am not going to say that some splurging didn't occur, the two milkshakes and chocolate drizzled croissant I had would not allow me to tell such stories...but, all in all, good choices and good food were enjoyed by everyone. It was nice to see that I can take trips and be away from my food comfort zone and still make good decisions concerning my food intake. Chalk one more up for getting stronger and gaining ground on this obstacle!
A Family photo in front of the GIANT fish tank at EPCOT!
First of all, the trip to Disney WAS in fact AMAZING!!!! Getting the opportunity to spend 7 days focused on myself and my family was incredibly therapeutic. I truly feel like I got to know my kids so much better, especially my son! Even though he is only 14 months old, he has such an intoxicating personality. Just watching him as he discovered and experienced new things was moving. I also developed a deeper appreciation for my two beautiful daughters. At 5 and 3 they are growing so fast and developing such wonderful personalities and senses of humor. I stood many days in awe as I watched them interact with others. They are great conversationalists and very funny. I also grew closer, if that is possible, to my unbelievable wife. Tens years ago, we went to Disney for our honeymoon and we both agreed that, not only was this trip a wonderful way to celebrate a decade of marriage, but it was much more fun with three imaginative children.
Now, about the 3 pounds....believe it or not, I was a little surprised myself, I actually lost 3 pounds over the holidays. One doesn't usually figure to lose weight at Christmas , especially when you toss in a trip to the most magical place on earth...but I DID! I credit a great deal of the weight loss to the hundreds of miles of walking we did over our week of vacation....OK, so maybe not hundreds, but pretty close...and to some very smart planning. As we organized the trip, my wife and I took extra time to look over all the various food options for our time at Disney. We checked menu options for both the kids and ourselves and created a list of places that offered more than just burgers and fries. By taking the extra time to plan ahead, we were able to avoid choosing random places and being stuck with food options that were not as appealing to a vegetarian (my wife) and someone trying to get a grip on their dietary focus (myself)! Now, I am not going to say that some splurging didn't occur, the two milkshakes and chocolate drizzled croissant I had would not allow me to tell such stories...but, all in all, good choices and good food were enjoyed by everyone. It was nice to see that I can take trips and be away from my food comfort zone and still make good decisions concerning my food intake. Chalk one more up for getting stronger and gaining ground on this obstacle!
A Family photo in front of the GIANT fish tank at EPCOT!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A New Year....A New Me!
As I sit here in the lobby of the Comfort Inn & Suites in Jacksonville, Florida, I am taking a moment to look back on 2010! Even though I might not have accomplished getting in the best shape of my life, I am very blessed to have a wonderful wife, three amazing children, a great job, my health and a focus on the future. Tomorrow, I will take my family to Disney World, the place where dreams come true...and as 2011 roles in I am not planning on making any resolutions...just a promise to myself and my family to be the very best husband, father, and provider I can be. I also promise myself to take a little more time to work on me and to truly take one day at a time and do my very best to continue to get healthier. I also promise to walk in love towards others and to focus more of my energy on my walk with my Father God and to shine as a light in this world. So, here is to 2011...it is going to be a fantastic year!
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